Splash!

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

FAILED

~Love Mum, Dad and Sis always~

I couldn't sleep well last night. I had too many things on my mind. Worrying again, stressing out myself and looking at life negatively. I tried my best to understand whatever I can before my physics exam today but I guess I didn't work hard enough. AS usual, I handed in the paper with utmost fear as I visualized the marks that I was going to achieve. FAILED. PASSED. If I'm lucky and those scribbles made sense to the marker, I would manage a 60%. If everyone gets really low marks too, hopefully the curve will help us all out equally. Otherwise, I have no idea what I would do to myself if I received a failing mark. I was talking to Mike and Jackson and they didn't sound too good too after the test. Worse still, they have Chemistry and Econs tomorrow...I sincerely wish them the best of luck. At least, my exam schedule is not too bad. My exams are pretty well spread out throughout the two weeks. So i have Math on Saturday and Chem on Tuesday. My final paper would be linguistics which would be the day after Chem. Mike might switch to business next year. It's sad. I have a feeling most of the really nice friends I know are planning to quit engineering and pursue a different degree. Life just has to be so cruel.

The pressure was weighing down on me today. People were saying that the physics paper was okay except me. I felt it was really hard. THere were questions which I couldn't answer but I tried my best to figure out some way of doing it. Sigh.
I'm feeling down in the dumps now although there's nothing much I can do to save my marks for Mechanics and Physics. All I can do now is really work hard for math, chem and linguistics (though I am less confident that I will do well in Chem). Oh well. I should learn not to get discouraged by those brilliant students who score so well in exams. The more I think about it, the more I feel like a dunce. Maybe I shouldn't compare myself to them. I know I'm not as smart as these guys are. Although to some extent I'm hardworking, I tend to be complacent at times. If I feel that way, I wouldn't put much effort into studying for something. Yes, Dad is right. I need to change my method of studying. Since, the workload each day in school is so heavy, I have to do revision everyday for what I've learned. Couple that with the assignments that are due each week and viola....when it's time for exam....the stress would be less. Yes. That should be the way.

ANd I have to stop having negative thoughts about people and try to bear with the discrimination I face daily. I don't know how that will help me make more friends, but at least I won't subject my mind to worry and think so much. Of course, I'l never put myself down just to be friends with them. I will never let that happen of course. Why lower my self image and dignity and let them think that I depend on them so much to fulfill my lifetime experience? I know some of them who are really nice (but all of them are guys and most of them are married). So far, I haven't met a single girl who doesn't judge me by my race and colour. Well, I guess that's just the way life is. Can't change everything to suit my whims and fancies or create an ideal world where everyone loves one another without any false pretenses and judgemental attitudes. THat's why ideality doesn't exist in my dictionary of words. Reality is the one that makes you...and breaks you. And that's the way life goes around...

Yun @ 12:46 PM | |

about me

Home: KL, Malaysia
School: U of A

I am someone who frets a lot - I call it a psychological disorder. I am constantly trying to escape my complex mind which, very often, drives me and my close companions to the edge of insanity. Born under the sun star Libra, I am greatly affected by a disease called "indecisiveness". Nicknames were never part of my dictionary until I met some people who decided to name me "turtle". Soon, I was representing a zoo of hamsters, "sotongs", pigs, cats, etc...

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