Monday, September 27, 2004
A woman should have...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVEone old love
she can imagine
going back to...
and one who reminds
her how far she has
come...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
enough money within her
control to move out and
rent a place of her own
even if she never wants
to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
something perfect to wear if
the employer or date of her dreams
wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a youth she's content
to leave behind....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a past juicy enough that
she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a set of screwdrivers, a
cordless drill, and a black
lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
one friend who always makes
her laugh... and one who lets
her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a good piece of furniture
not previously owned by anyone
else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
eight matching plates, wine
glasses with stems, and a recipe
for a meal that will make her
guests feel honored..
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a feeling of control over
her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without
losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
HOW TO QUIT A JOB,
BREAK UP WITH A LOVER,
AND CONFRONT A FRIEND
WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and
WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the
length of her calves, the width
of her hips, or the nature of her
parents...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not
have been perfect...but its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't
do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if
she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't
take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't
accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...
Sunday Blues
I watched Resident Evil 2 last night at a friend's place. She downloaded it from the internet. The resolution was okay, but it was somehow always dark and we could not see the scenes very well. I still prefer the first movie - and Milia Jovovich is soo sexy!Also, I watched a taiwanese series starring Cyndi Wang and two other really handsome guys. Haha. I was never a fan of these taiwanese movies. But after watching one of them, I thought it was pretty interesting, and Cyndi Wang was so natural in acting her part. She plays this cute and carefree character in this movie. Oh, and those two "shuai ge" in the movie... :)
It is a Sunday once again. How I wish everyday was Friday and Saturday. Then, there will be no such thing as school, hahaha!! I do not really hate school. Well, I just dread going to English class because of one big ugly thorn in that class - my English teacher. Let me describe this prick in my life. She is an old lady. I would probably say going through menopause. She quite reminds me of Mrs. Aw Yeang, an old lady who used to teach me physics in SMDU. But Mrs Aw Yeang was fair and does not discriminate in class. But this current prick is such a bias teacher. She thinks she is such a good teacher. And every white person in the class adores her, because she listens to their opinions in class. When I say something, she pretends not to hear it. AS though my opinion does not contribute much because I am an international student whose first language is not english and thus, I am not proficient in the language to be good enough for her. I would like to step and slap prick if I am capable to do so. I would like to shout and rebel at her for being so discriminating against international students. How can she call herself a good teacher if she gives this impression on students, and does not provide a suitable learning environment for the students who now feel ridiculed? Bitch.
Anyway, talking about her more might drive me to the edge of my boiling point. I might break down the wall (besides the walls here are not that strong :P)
I have started on my term research paper on paints and pigments: titanium dioxide pigment production. But the thing is, there is no industry here in Alberta. And, I am required to find out how this industry has affected Alberta's economic growth, bla bla bla...I do not have much time...and I want to get it done because the next few weeks are going to be hell. I have everything due everyday of the week. So, I have decided to start on the essays first because my assignments are just as heavy.
It is a beautiful morning but warm. The morning sun shines proudly into my room everyday. It could be my natural "alarm clock" because the sunshine hurts my eyes. Yesterday the yellow leaves were still on the trees but today, half of them were on the ground. Sigh. Winter is coming...(I am not ready for it, seriously). No one is, haha!
I discovered that I can take language courses as my elective since I have passed the qualifying year! Yay! But I still have to get approval from the department, I think. A language course will not be such a burden, and it will be interesting as well :) So, I am going to learn Japanese! :) Well, I should take Chinese, but we have to go through the Chinese department and go for an interview...they have a way to make sure you don't know a single thing about the chinese language before allowing you to take the course. Well, that explains it because I do know a little mandarin. And I heard they are really strict about the restrictions. I do not want to end up in some 200 level course just because I know a little of it. I would want to take CHINA 101 to learn how to write. But we will see ^^
Psychology is quite a heavy course in my academic schedule. I cannot believe after three lessons I am having a midterm next week...crazy!
I better get back to my work :) It is going to be a busy term for me and I might cut down on my blogging habit :P
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Uncertain
I am having certain doubts again. Why do I always end up this way. I feel extremely insecure about my whole life. Everything. I wish I did not have the "human ability" to worry.I called my sweetheart just now because I wanted to tell him something but his mom picked up the phone instead. I did not expect her to come back from her trip that soon. Anyway, I talked to her for quite a bit, asking her how is she and stuff like that...in mandarin...(gee, my mandarin sucks big time!) I embarassed myself again. She must think I am so rude and all because I do not know how to use the proper phrasing structures and all....kinda like bad grammar...it was definitely off the beat. Oh, I am so ashamed of myself.
Is there football to watch every week? It is so weird. I thought the football season is over...or...maybe not...
I woke up this morning to find the trees just outside my room have all turned yellow in colour. This means winter is just around the corner. And the bitter cold will strike again with its mundane and gloomy atmosphere.
I am not feeling so well in the mind these few days. It has been quite a depressing week for me. I do not want to talk about it but I will be fine in a few days' time. Don't feel like writing anything too...so I will just entertain myself with some pictures :P
This is the pretty autumn sight outside my room.
My friend and I were on our way to Biological Sciences building. We past by this pretty Earth Science building.
University made these new ponds outside the administration building.
My messy desk...lots of homework there...ow it's hurting my eyes!
The other side of my room...Zzzzzzzz
On the way to Safeway...
Friday, September 24, 2004
Hitting the stress levels again
I did not have much time to blog. As always, my workload is sitting on my table, waiting to suck out any possible trace of energy in my mind. Sometimes, I really wished I was in the Arts (because the workload is so much lesser...) But, I cannot be so selfish. This course requires lots of constant hardwork. So, again, I am forced to sit down and bury my head in those books.Currently, I have a three-hour break before I head off to my math lab. I am going to have a quiz today. We do not need to prepare for it because we will be tested on the materials taught in that lab itself. So, I do not really bother. One quiz probably worths like 1.5% of the course mark. I have to hand in the second thermodynamics assignment by 4pm. Oh damn. I have to walk all the way to chemical engineering building to hand it in ... and then, head back to CAB for my math lab ...
Look at me. I do not need to do any exercise. My daily walks from one class to the other compensates it all.
It is funny how we just want to be lazy when there are so many things to do in a short amount of time. And when there is nothing to do, we wish we were back at school or busy doing something productive. I remember feeling so school-deprived when I was back in Malaysia for four months. It is probably one of those cycles in life. Certainly not a very nice existing one, but acceptable at the very least. Now, I am feeling so lazy.
But I feel much happier now than before. I used to be so lonely and depressed last year because I did not have that many friends. And the people at Lister residence were snobs and drunkards. Apparently, they regarded me as a recluse. Low-brainers...I have more work to do than them. All they do is sit in front of the idiot box each time they got home from school while I headed straight to my room and started on the next assignments for the week. But, I do not care anymore. I have left that place and I will not choose to go back there even if I have to find somewhere else to stay. I like it here in HUB mall. My roommates are nice people. I am closer to Jolene, a 21-year-old girl from Grand Praire (about 3 hours North of Grand Praire, actually), and Grace, a sweet and pretty Korean girl.
She thought my birthday was two days ago. Really funny. I was looking at my computer and did not notice she was standing shyly outside my room door. So, when I turned around I realized she was, well, I did not know what she was doing but basically she was being really shy...
She pointed to something on my pile of books on the desk and to my surprise, it was a birthday present! Just as I was about to say thanks, she ran back into her room (which was just next to my room) and I was running after her (because I did not know why she was acting so silly :P - the both of us were silly haha). Then, I thanked her and gave her a hug. I did not say anything about her getting my birthdate wrong. But she asked why did I not have a party or celebrated with my friends. So, I had to say that my birthday is actually next week...
Haha. She was so shocked. She could not say anything but "I am so stupid." She kept saying over and over again while hitting her forehead with her hands! Aiii... she is so silly...but it was a cute scenario ^^ She gave me a pair of lovely earrings :)
I guess I am not going to do much for my birthday. Anyway, it is not a big deal. Not like I am turning 21 or something :P Mum and dad said before that I have to do a big celebration for my 21st birthday ^^ Haha...but well...will I be back in Malaysia during that time?
Ohhhh....I forgot to blog about my trip to Strathcona County's Tour! Well, it was a trip organized by the rural department of agricultural studies in university. It was $20 but yeah, it was worth it because we had lots of fun! The trip consisted of mostly families. There were lots of children and babies, and I have a feeling that their parents were still studying in the U of A (probably in the agricultural science faculty?). The five of us were the only young adults there!
We went to five farms, each of them had their own specialization. The first one was a little boring because it was only featuring the aboriginal history and their artifacts. The second farm that we went to was the bison farm. There we got to see old mustang cars! It was like...huge! And, we saw a really antique ambulance, hehe! Those cars were apparently the owner's collection over the years. After that, we went on to see Bailey the bison. We can pat him, and take pictures with him! He even has his own passport :P He is one bison that none can slaughter or put him in the freezer. In a nutshell, he is like a pet farm animal ^^
Then, we went to Keno's Ranch where we saw lots of beautiful horses and small pet animals like rabbits, and dogs. Patting a horse is dangerous. I had this fear of going near them because they were just so huge and strong! I felt like I would have been trampled by them if I touched them. We were not allowed to touch the fowls beause their mothers were very protective as it was their first time having an offspring.
The last visit was to the llama farm. This was really fun! As a group, we took lots of silly pictures, but they are not with me because my camera went out of battery then. I will get those crazy group photos that we took from her and post them up ^^
The llamas were soooo cute! Just look at them! LIke they had some kind of cool haircut, hehe! We also had marshmallows after that ...yummy!
That's it for now! I should get back to my last problem of my assignment and rest a bit. It is going to be a long day for me....I also have psychology class this evening!!! ARGH!
Friday, September 17, 2004
Another Friday
It's a friday!And I am quite ill actually. I am also stressed out although it has only been the first week of school. TELUS IS DRIVING ME NUTS. Each time I call them to check the status of my report problem, they tell me I will get my internet connection repaired anytime within 24 hours. I raised my voice at them yesterday, feeling very furious and annoyed because they cannot fix a simple problem for their customers while they advertise big and loud that they always provide quality service.
Simply, I hate them.
There was a hailstorm last night. It was cool! It was my first time seeing this phenomenon (we don't get that in Malaysia, do we now?) Chunks of ice balls fell rom the sky and I watched with much fascination as they bounce off my window. "boink, boink!"
I am not going to do any work today. It is a Fridayyyyyyyyyyy...
And I am going on a field trip tomorrow to visit a farm! :)
Why the stress?
Finally, I am done.No more classes. And the weekend is here!
I went to hand in my assignments a few minutes ago. After that, I decided to surf the internet for a bit (since I STILL do not have internet acccess) at the engineering computer lab. I realized I posted a very awkward entry two hours ago. I am thinking it was the atmosphere in the computer lab at the library that made me do so. I felt weird typing around so many strangers. The fact that there were people waiting for a computer made me feel bad because I was using the computer for blogging purposes only :P For all I know, they might need it more than I do, for example, to submit their last registrations online or whatever the university wants from us students.
Anyway, as usual, I was browsing through some blogs and I came across two blogs which I would like to comment on. Now, each had an offensive post. They were sentences and expressions, criticizing girls' behaviour as a whole. I am not here today to "become" a feminist although I do indeed, support the basis of feminist roles in society. I would want to think it was just an isolated case that they both could have experienced, but apparently, the second blog that I read really did pissed me off.
Now, for what reasons do we start judging people by their appearances?
I know of a girl who used to express her "surprise" when a fat lady walked past us. Even if it was an obese guy, she had to say these words, "Who will marry this guy, man! hou fei arr (very fat ar)!"
I hate it. Seriously.
Basically, the realiziation that we are in much better shape or size than the other person across the hall, leads us to pick on him/her to criticize and laugh at. Sadly, it is only a one-way street for this occurence. The overly-sized will be the oppressed ones. And the thin, slim, sweet, big-busts, firm buttocks, pretty face, handsome eyes, beautiful skin type of people will be the most likeable, the most seeked after and well, what else can I say...quoted by this blog..."Guys don't want you if you're ugly. The sad fact of life."
Call yourself a wise gentleman and I will slap you in the face.
I do not want to waste my time on these immature criticism. It is not even something to argue about because, like we all are, humans at the very least, we tend to judge every book by its cover. But, to some extend, as civilised humans, we SHOULD not be doing all these, right?
There is always two sides to a coin. But, think about it. If you were to argue about girls being stupid and obsessed about make-up and all the other girly accessories that we spend so much for, we girls can turn it around as well and ask why do guys spend on their computer games, and computer stuff, and the so-called "guys' stuff"? I felt that these two blogs have portrayed what we call a bias outlook towards the two superior sex in this world.
Why are we girls into make-up and clothes and girly stuff that we are willing to spend money on? Well, ask the whoever that created females to exist in this world. Also, ask yourself how society changes through the decades. Ask yourself why do you as a guy spend money on stuff that you deem more worth a buy, something which the girl would most likely disagree with you on.
But in the end, everything falls to its place. We are who we are. Accept that fact. Feminism is not about equality in terms of "oh-can-you-help-me-fix-the-tyre-because-you-are-a-guy?" Again, this misconception dealt too much with our daily lives. Feminism was brought into the picture because we women were being ridiculed in the sense that we were exploited for sex, we were nothing more than baby-making machines and probably a punching bag as well for husbands to release their frustrations from work. So, where did we stand in this world? We were basically being stepped on every day!
And equality has come a long way since the women realized they needed start the protest. It was a platform where we could let the other sex learn how to live in equal standards with the women. It is where women can finally go to school, work and learn the things that only men used to learn. It is not about getting the same power. It is not about burning bras and stripping off the image of a women because we are simply still oppressed by society. This is the basis of feminism. So don't give some lame reason like fixing a tyre and equate it to a woman's capability.
There are strong women, there are weak men. Generally, women are still, in terms of strength and reasoning capabilites, not on par with men. That is why we do depend on the guys to fix things. Or even to figure how to set up the hi-fi set and connect it to the television. And we girls take care of the cleaning, cooking and other responsibilities that were embedded within us as we were born into this world as girls/ladies/women. So, why the prejudice against girls who cannot fix the tyres themselves?
Yes, there are girls, who pretend to be weak, or who do not like to get dirty or simply, just do not want to do the job and expect the guys to do all of them. Like I said, no girl/boy is perfect. But, must we criticize it to that extend? Must we make such a big deal out of it? Is anyone else complaining, for god's sake, besides these two blogs that I read? We girls do cross the line. Just as well as guys. So, it is all relative. Go study Einstein's relativity law and just apply it to our lives, okay. It is not that hard. (Just don't read the equations)
Back to the my previous question on appearances. Think about this. Just view fashion as the weather. It changes. IT changes from time to time. And did you know years and years ago, fat people were the trend-setters? No, right. I bet you guys, don't. Come on, face it that we girls are fascinated by the wonders of make-up. Face it, guys, that we do want to look our best. I mean, don't you too sometimes?
There are girls who go to extremes. But that is not the whole point. These two blogs generalized the whole idea that we girls are dumb, empty-minded bimbos, who only know how to spend money on clothes and make-up just to look nice.
So, please be fair in your judgement about people. Be careful of who you want to talk and do not just generalize because of something about girls that you see all the time. It is just the surface. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Big boobs is not necessarily beautiful if you are introducing beauty as a whole.
Be funny if you want to, but do not cross the line.
--Chauvinistic--
Monday, September 13, 2004
Back to school
Finally, I have some spare time to waste on the computer. Currently, I am blogging from the Hub Community Centre's (HCA) computer lab. I do not have access to the internet in my room yet. Telus assured me that my internet and home phone service would be activated on the 14th of September. Hopefully, it will be because I seem to be a lifeless brain without unlimited access to internet in my room.Actually, I came down here to use the computer because I have to continue working on my research essay on paints and pigments : titanium dioxide pigment production. I cannot believe my luck. I received five assignments on the first day of school and three of them are due on friday, one the next monday, and the research essay on 7th October. I recognized the surprised faces on other non-engineering students when they saw me doing assignments on the second day of school.
So, I guess I will be blogging about my experience for the past few days. I arrived in Edmonton at 8pm. By the time I reached HUB residence it was already close to 10pm. I stayed over at a friend's place that night. Although I did feel sad leaving home and my sweetheart, I was glad to see my friends again. I received a very warm welcome from them. It was nice to know that I will be leaving very close to my friends in this residence. Lots of my classmates stay nearby too. That gives me the opportunity to get help easily from my intelligent friends in those ever-so-difficult, mind-boggling assignments.
I moved in to my unit the next morning - 8919 3B. It was a four-bedroom apartment. I opened the door to the apartment and found it surprisingly clean. I found my bedroom, which was located downstairs near the kitchen. It was very small and empty as it was unfurnished. I contacted my friend who lived nearby to help me move the bed frames and the mattress that Chien left for me. It was my luck this time - the stuff were kept at his friend's house which was located just right below my unit. So, the moving process was easy. And he helped me assemble the bed.
That afternoon, I went to Ikea with three other friends to buy a study desk and some other useful household items. I hate going to Ikea in Edmonton because it is so far away from university and I have to fork out $$$ for the taxi fare. Most of the desks were out of stock. It was disappointing but I managed to buy the last one on the rack. We called for a van cab to fit all of us and our items in. But the company sent a normal cab over to pick us up. Luckily, the driver was very helpful. He said we would need to wait for another hour for the van cab to come. So, he tried to fit my desk into his trunk, and twined the rope on it so that it will not fall from the boot. Obviously, my desk was too long to fit nicely in. But he offered to help us and we paid him more tips when we got off.
Because the desk was too heavy to be carried, we opened the box and carried the separate parts up to my place. I forgot to mention a book case which I bought for a very cheap price :)
Now, my room is pretty and cosy ^^
I love my room. I will post the pictures up when I have internet access set up.
My housemates are pretty nice people. A korean girl who is majoring in psychology is staying next to my room. Upstairs, there are two Canadian girls, one a first-year in biological sciences and the other is a second-year student who transfered to U of A from Grand Prairie. They are friendly people. We do talk and chat once in a while when we meet in the kitchen. I hope things will stay this good and we will not have to end up in cat fights or anything later throughout the year :P
The weather has been pretty annoying. It isn't suppoze to snow or go below 10 degrees celcius in September !!!
But today's weather was extremely nice. It was a portrayal of a perfect fall season. I went for a walk with Yee Ying around campus this afternoon. I never realized we had such a beautiful university campus ... :)
Well, that pretty much summarizes my jolly good week. School starts tomorrow again and I am already anticipating Friday.
Oh, I forgot to mention about this. There was a guy, two years younger than me, who tried to date me...
It may seem like a normal thing but to me it was pretty unusual because I did not see it coming until I mentioned it to Yee Ying, who was pretty close to this guy and his brother. Well, he is a first-year student in engineering. And since, I met him at Yee Ying's place when he had trouble with his timetable, I asked him if he needed textbooks because I can sell it to him for a cheaper price. I had the shock of my life when Yee Ying told me her observations. I have not been here for more than a week and I already had this prick disturbing me. She helped me shoo him away. I hope he gets the message. I mean, he knows I am attached...but according to my friend, Brunei guys go to extreme measures to get the girl they want. Crazy. Pity me, please.
Sigh. Textbooks are so bloody, idiotic, expensive here. Urgh. I bought a few second hand books like organic chemistry and psychology. But for chemical engineering syllabus, I had to spend $300 over dollars for these books. ARGH!
It is darn expensive! I cannot help thinking that the university is eating up all our pocket money. No one can blame me for having an extreme disgust for the bookstore now :P I refuse to buy this English text, which probably only had 100 or so pages, but costs $34.25...
BOO TO THE BOOKSTORE! BOO BOO BOO!!!!!!
Good night, guys. Back to my reseach assignment.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
Byebye!
Off to the airport tomorrow morning! Canada, oh, canada, here I come again! :PI was so excited preparing my study timetable last night. I was adding pretty, bright colours to each subject and bordering the table neatly. I do, oddly, miss studying.
It will be another tiring journey. But nothing can be worse than sitting in Air Canada for 13 hours. Poor service. Racist cabin crews. Yucky food.
I won't be getting my internet so fast. Once I arrive in Canada, I will be busy moving into my new place.
I will miss everything in Malaysia! Home will always have a place in my heart wherever I go. I love you, mum, dad and sis! I love you, Chien! Adios ;)
about me
Home: KL, Malaysia
School: U of A
I am someone who frets a lot - I call it a psychological disorder. I am constantly trying to escape my complex mind which, very often, drives me and my close companions to the edge of insanity. Born under the sun star Libra, I am greatly affected by a disease called "indecisiveness". Nicknames were never part of my dictionary until I met some people who decided to name me "turtle". Soon, I was representing a zoo of hamsters, "sotongs", pigs, cats, etc...
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