Monday, May 23, 2005
Bad Charlotte
"Had I known but yesterday what I know today, I'd taken out your two gray eyes and put them in eyes of clay. And had I known but yesterday you'd be no more of my own, I'd taken out your heart of flesh and put in one of stone." (Dogs of Babel 261-63)Nice quote, eh?
Last night, the temple held a grand celebration in conjunction with Wesak Day. Tonight there will be a feast for the devotees and the committee members. My sister and I are still contemplating whether or not we should attend. You see, we are quite intimidated by the loud booming music performances. I estimated the lifespan of my ears to have shorten by 8 years. Still, it was an interesting celebration. Somewhat different than the proverbial sacred, religious ceremonies.
In a few days time, I will be off on a supreme holiday trip to Melbourne! I am so excited :) I love to travel. My lifetime wish is to travel to the four corners of the world. That gives me more reason to earn big bucks in the future, haha! Or I'll just get a rich husband, but money does not provide everlasting happiness. I need more than that.
Now, for some fun with words. Read along.
I have to admit that some guys are just wimps. In fact, they do not deserve to be called a boy/guy/man at all. Such egocentricity from a human male is the laughing stock of the world. In spite of that, close friends on his side, especially those of the opposite sex, do not realize that they are making a fool of themselves by "dissing" the girl who jilted their poor friend.
Oh, Charlotte. How foolish can you be?
Charlotte loves to "diss" people. Her skill at "dissing" has led her to proclaim the infamous title "Bitch." I think I will label her a bi-atch. Yes, Charlotte. The consequences are fatal if we hurt any good friend of yours in any way. Charlotte will ensure that it is the most regretted mistake you have made in your life. Thanks to Charlotte's blog, the whole world will see her enemies as a piece of shit and how perfectly "angelic" she is. Charlotte will drive you to cry out a river of hatred. But alas, it is a waste of time and energy to bother about girls like Charlotte. After all, the guy IS a wimp. He is a disgrace to the male species. I can only shake my head in disappointment at uncultured, immature "dissers" like Charlotte. I don't care about the guy (whoever he is).
Then again, it has been a form of amusement to read her "dissing" although I am terribly upset because my blood is being "dissed" at. It is no wonder only brains like Charlotte's, which is as puny as a frog's, can create a masterpiece like that. A masterpiece which can make others threaten the existence of the girl who dumped their best friend. *Applause* A strong bond of friendship indeed. Nevertheless, it is amazing how some people have the guts to threaten with words but not with actions. Hear me, and hear me well - if you lay one finger on her, I will castrate you. As for Charlotte - you can go home and plant cucumbers for yourself to eat. Or fly a kite. Yeah. Go fly a kite, Charlotte.
No offense to all the Charlotte's. I am only referring to one devil here :)
Saturday, May 21, 2005
The Dogs of Babel
This is a strange yet captivating book. A good read. The Dogs of Babel.Simply lovely.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
My Memory Box
I was reading a short article in a magazine that talked about memory boxes. I started to think of those memorable items that I had kept since my high school years. While waiting for dinner to be served, I went to search for those items. It was a surprise to see them again. Still, I had to discard some stuff away because they were just...plain... junk :PFlipping through old photographs, and old letters from friends and pen pals reminded me of good old times. Each letter and each photograph had a story behind it. Even with each greeting card, especially birthday cards that I received over the years from different people, has a significant story to tell. Most of them are good memories...to some extent. Before I knew it, I was already organizing my own memory box :) I shall share some of my very special ones here.
This is a very sweet letter that I received from Teng in Form 3. Remember or not, Huey Teng? ^^ She is really creative in art. I still have all the letters that we wrote to each other in high school. We would pass each other letters during breaks in between classes. Quite fun, eh? Some may find it silly though. Oh well, we were silly young girls at that time!
This picture here shows my first valentine card. I received it from a guy named Lee Jay when I was studying in CIC, Hamilton. There was also my first rose, and a soft toy dog which was cute but my friend and I named it the SARS dog (it had polka dots all over that made it look like it was infected). I have no idea why we came to that conclusion about the dog, but it was funny. Well, it was not exactly a love note. I would say he wrote a nice message about being friends with me and wanting to know me better. I only read it twice because it was a hassle to unwind it and wind it back again.
This is a pretty hand-made paperbag. Actually it is a birthday card from an old friend named Julie Chee. I have not kept in touch with her since I left for Canada. I hope she is doing fine wherever she is now :)
This is a lovely birthday card I received from a group of brilliant and beautiful girls in my Form 3 class. They must have heard that it was my birthday, and so they made this card for me :) Aneesha, Lela, Li Shun, Mun Yin, Wai Yee, Charlene, Li June...these girls were the loudest in class! But they are beauties with brains ;)
Hahaha... Miss Turtle 2002 ... how can I ever forget? I met these few guy friends who were my seniors. We were prefects and somehow we got to be pretty good friends as years passed by. One ding dong boy started naming me "turtle". That is why I call him ding dong boy by the way (some sort of revenge) :P Till now, I am never short of fun and laughter with these bunch of monkeys around :) Glad to have them as friends till today although we rarely get to meet up nowadays.
Well, this is it! My memory box. Full of sweet, happy memories. Memories that I will cherish forever. And there will be more to add into this memory box of mine...
My model idol
I love fashion shows. Too bad I could not stay long enough to watch everything as my aunt needed to go home early last Sunday. Nevertheless, I managed to take some pictures... and some short videos with my not-so-new digital camera.
Fashion supermodels have always been my idols. Not every model is pretty, though. And I do not think it is much of a requirement to become a model. Yes, you need to have that body. You need to be tall. I just feel that they have something more than just the outside appearance. Well, being pretty would be a bonus I guess, but there is something else. Perhaps, it is something that they put on stage. Something about the way they mesmerize the audience with their demeanour. Something about their powerful and steady walk. Speaking of walking, they are experts at balancing in high stilettos. Three inches of that thin rod! *applause* Even I cannot handle a normal two-inch high-heeled shoe.
When is the next KL Fashion Week? I hope there will be one before I return to Canada ^^
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Stepping out of the dark
I am not dead.My eyes were pouring sad tears on the night of the break-up, but I was determined for a brand new start the next morning. I knew I wanted to breathe again. And I knew I could.
It is time I learn to accept the real me. I was naive. I thought love was all I needed to have a happy, long-lasting relationship. I was wrong. I thought it was all that could keep two people in love together always. Little did I know that I was disillusioned by the concept of love all this while. In a way, this break-up has made me realized that love is just another unpredictable emotion; it does not stand strong by itself. It changes with time. It changes with wealth. And maybe the weather too, who knows?
I am disappointed with myself for not seeing the bare truth earlier. Even for a realistic person like me, I failed to realize that I was constantly searching and falling for ideal love. In some ways, I still see myself as a foolish girl, who gave her all to one man whom she thought could be the one.
No use crying over spilt milk. I should believe there are many others out there waiting to love and care for me. Things like this change so quickly with time. This is why I have made up my mind to look at love at a different perspective. I should not take things too seriously. I should not live in those ideal dreams anymore. I'm single and I'm loving it so far. There is more excitement out there, just waiting to grab me by the arm to take me on a joy ride I will never forget.
Memories. They will live with me till my last breath in this world. We shared happy times, intimate moments, and depressing truths. I have no major regrets falling blindly in love with him. After all, we did fall in love :) Therefore, it will serve its purpose as a memory.
With each failure in love, I can see now what is Mr. Right for me. Ego exists naturally in a man, but if you really love a woman, you tell her that she is the one. She needs somebody to tell her that it is going to last forever. If a man is too ashamed to date a girl richer than him, he is no man. Then again, in reality, money is everything. It is difficult to find a person who is not concerned about their partner's social and wealth status. I used to be one who did not care. However, that was the old me. It is different now. Reality bites, doesn't it?
Time to move on. I have never felt so young at heart and attractive in my life before. Scars remain but it is time to spread my wings and fly.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
The Story
This is a story of two people who have made a difference in my life in many ways. Both have brought love into my life; each having a special place in my heart.I am just another ordinary girl who, I admit, needs to depend on a man for love and security. I question myself from time to time why do I keep falling back into the same puddle of mud. I get stained on the same spot again and again...
I met this guy when I was still a freshman in university. Little did we know, our friendship soon blossomed into love. He confessed, but I was hesitant because I knew he was going to leave this place to further his studies or find a job. Then again, he assured me that he will stay for my sake, and will apply for a job nearby. And so, this was where we started. This was where, I thought, happiness knew no end.
Love can be a cruel thing. Just when you are having the best time of your life, it takes your life away like a bullet through your head. Nothing good lasts forever. He had to leave the country. He could not find a job. Soon, we were thrown into a long-distance relationship. A type of relationship which I have feared all this while because I have always believed that it never had happy endings for couples.
I was tormented by the distance. It was even harder for me because I remained in the place where the memories played back like pressing the rewind and play button. I tried very hard to keep us together, but he got busy with work. He entered a new phase in life where things were constantly changing. He made me feel lost. He made me feel unwanted. This was where I started to lose hope in this relationship. This was where all thoughts about him not being the right guy came crashing into my mind like a waterfall.
Along came another guy. He got too close to me at first, so I kept a distance. But after three months, we met again at his brother's house as we were there for a slumber party. It was then we started off as normal friends again.
When I was lonely, he was always there to keep me company. It is queer how we manage to get along well. He is a funny person. He talks too much sometimes though, and he laughs at the weirdest stuff. Somehow, I did develop a sort of feeling towards him, but it is not the same sort of love that I feel for the other guy. Still, I do not know what sort of feeling this is. Perhaps it is not love at all. Perhaps it is just the closeness of a good friendship.
I am lost. I do not know which path to take. It is difficult to keep sane when everything else is changing around you. I have expectations to meet. I have to deal with other influences, and other ideas that force their way into my mind.
He says he still loves me. He says that I am very important to him but he doesn't know if he wants this relationship. What does this mean?
He knows that I love the other very much. He says he will stay away if I am happy with the other guy. What does this mean?
Am I happy? Do I want this?
This is a story of two guys; one who may not continue to give me what I need and one who cannot get what he needs from me. This is also my story. A story of a lost soul who is seeking the meaning of her own life. Nevertheless, this is only but a love story...a story of those who leave and those who get left behind...
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
A broken heart
I arrived in KL two days ago. It feels good to be back home again.
But what is more depressing than coming home to a lost love?
You could not even talk to me like before...
but you say you still love me.
You say you are sorry,
because it is not my fault,
it is yours...
and you say that I was the one working to keep this relationship alive all this while...
Saying sorry won't change anything...
That was what you told me, remember?
Now what has become of us?
Can we still piece back the love that we had?
You have broken my heart
I have lost my way.
Now what only remains,
is a heart that can never trust in love.
I don't know what to believe in anymore. I am disappointed with myself. I am disappointed with you.
about me
Home: KL, Malaysia
School: U of A
I am someone who frets a lot - I call it a psychological disorder. I am constantly trying to escape my complex mind which, very often, drives me and my close companions to the edge of insanity. Born under the sun star Libra, I am greatly affected by a disease called "indecisiveness". Nicknames were never part of my dictionary until I met some people who decided to name me "turtle". Soon, I was representing a zoo of hamsters, "sotongs", pigs, cats, etc...
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