Thursday, May 05, 2005

The Story

This is a story of two people who have made a difference in my life in many ways. Both have brought love into my life; each having a special place in my heart.

I am just another ordinary girl who, I admit, needs to depend on a man for love and security. I question myself from time to time why do I keep falling back into the same puddle of mud. I get stained on the same spot again and again...

I met this guy when I was still a freshman in university. Little did we know, our friendship soon blossomed into love. He confessed, but I was hesitant because I knew he was going to leave this place to further his studies or find a job. Then again, he assured me that he will stay for my sake, and will apply for a job nearby. And so, this was where we started. This was where, I thought, happiness knew no end.

Love can be a cruel thing. Just when you are having the best time of your life, it takes your life away like a bullet through your head. Nothing good lasts forever. He had to leave the country. He could not find a job. Soon, we were thrown into a long-distance relationship. A type of relationship which I have feared all this while because I have always believed that it never had happy endings for couples.

I was tormented by the distance. It was even harder for me because I remained in the place where the memories played back like pressing the rewind and play button. I tried very hard to keep us together, but he got busy with work. He entered a new phase in life where things were constantly changing. He made me feel lost. He made me feel unwanted. This was where I started to lose hope in this relationship. This was where all thoughts about him not being the right guy came crashing into my mind like a waterfall.

Along came another guy. He got too close to me at first, so I kept a distance. But after three months, we met again at his brother's house as we were there for a slumber party. It was then we started off as normal friends again.

When I was lonely, he was always there to keep me company. It is queer how we manage to get along well. He is a funny person. He talks too much sometimes though, and he laughs at the weirdest stuff. Somehow, I did develop a sort of feeling towards him, but it is not the same sort of love that I feel for the other guy. Still, I do not know what sort of feeling this is. Perhaps it is not love at all. Perhaps it is just the closeness of a good friendship.

I am lost. I do not know which path to take. It is difficult to keep sane when everything else is changing around you. I have expectations to meet. I have to deal with other influences, and other ideas that force their way into my mind.

He says he still loves me. He says that I am very important to him but he doesn't know if he wants this relationship. What does this mean?

He knows that I love the other very much. He says he will stay away if I am happy with the other guy. What does this mean?

Am I happy? Do I want this?

This is a story of two guys; one who may not continue to give me what I need and one who cannot get what he needs from me. This is also my story. A story of a lost soul who is seeking the meaning of her own life. Nevertheless, this is only but a love story...a story of those who leave and those who get left behind...

Yun @ 9:54 AM  | |

about me

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Home: KL, Malaysia
School: U of A

I am someone who frets a lot - I call it a psychological disorder. I am constantly trying to escape my complex mind which, very often, drives me and my close companions to the edge of insanity. Born under the sun star Libra, I am greatly affected by a disease called "indecisiveness". Nicknames were never part of my dictionary until I met some people who decided to name me "turtle". Soon, I was representing a zoo of hamsters, "sotongs", pigs, cats, etc...

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previous

  • A broken heart
  • It's a blue, blue sky
  • We Malaysians are Selfish
  • The end of another academic year
  • A nightmare
  • My baby NoHoHon
  • It is time for a "real" change in the Malaysian ed...
  • When maturity brings to you the big picture
  • Need feedback on biochemical engineering!
  • Easter Holidays

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