Sunday, March 28, 2004
18 hours!
~Love Mum, Dad and Sis always~18 hours...
10 hours of school...2 hours of meeting...6 hours of partying
Yesterday Josephine invited us all to Metro to play some pool and after that to karaoke. It was her last weekend here in Edmonton, Canada. She will be leaving for California tomorrow and so it was her wish that we all spend some fun time together last night. So, all in all, I was awake from 8 am yesterday till 5 am today.
My classes ended at 5pm yesterday, and after that, I went for a meeting, which lasted for about 2 hours. I would say that I was obliged to attend the meeting although I have no other tasks that is appointed to me in organizing the cultural night event, which is going to be held on the 7th of May. They were practising a song for that event and somehow I wished that I would be able to stay to participate in the singing too. It's such a beautiful song. I've got it stuck in my head already :p
Then we all went for dinner at a Thai restaurant and boy... was the curry so damn good! Ever since I came here, I've never tasted curry that can match the curry back home until yesterday. YumYum...I ate so much of it! We met Josephine at Metro after that and there, we all played pool to our heart's content. I would say I have improved my skills in pool. The only thing I'm still not good at is getting my cue stick steady. It's always not firm and stable when I want to hit the ball. Also I need more practice on getting the angles right and applying the right force to the ball. It's pretty fun to play pool once in a while. Hah. When I get back I can play with Tj and "Ding Dong Boy" and CheeSon too if he's back. Hmm probably we can go play pool too eh, teng? ^^
Oh my. I just forgot. I woke up about an hour ago (4pm) and I haven't had lunch...ouch *stomach growls*
I'll need to grab something to eat!
Saturday, March 27, 2004
Frying Fridays
~Love Mum, Dad and Sis always~At last, another Friday has arrived! Once again, it's the end of the week and that means...
-no school for the next two days
-no morning labs to go to anymore (just had my last one today)
-no boring C++ lectures to attend for the next two days
-more hours of sleep
-more opportunities to wake up late for the next two days
-bla bla bla...
Silly me. I'm just giving myself some amusement. Looking forward to Fridays and the weekend is the norm. For whatever reason, be it ultimate-night-of-booz or extreme-hours-of-karaoke or movie-marathon-night...it's a Friday and a Friday is frying up the weekend for me! Yippeee!
It attended my last Physics lab today. I'm so glad that it's over. It's just not something I look forward to all the time. The reason being the atmosphere is unfriendly and boring because my TA is so serious and unfriendly. He really has a zero sense of humour. Everytime I ask him a question he scorns at me. Weirdo Plus, he doesn't explain things properly. But that's not the point. I don't blame him as his first language is not English. Nevertheless...he should cheer up a bit. It's not very encouraging or motivating when you step into a lab in the morning to see a grouchy, no-fun teaching assistant.
The month of April is approaching fast...which means, my finals are drawing nearer and nearer...which also means that I'll be going home soon...I can't wait to go home but at the same time, I don't want to go home so fast. I don't plan to return home next year though. I probably want to stay on and take summer/spring courses to lighten my academic term's workload. If not, I would probably want to take up a part-time job, earn some extra money for myself ^^Going home every year would be a bomb to the wallet as well. I know my family misses me a lot but... just as much as I miss them too, going home every year is not practical. I won't be missing much of home that way if I go back every year. I'll lose the homesickness feeling. Then, I won't look forward to anything back home. It's weird, yet true. It's not like I don't want to return home, but I'd probably prefer to spend some time alone by myself, working or studying, or going for holiday trips with my friends. I've never gone on a holiday with friends before because all this while I wasn't allowed to do so(well...parents). Since I'm here all by myself, it's time I make my own decisions to how I want to lead my life, how I want to live life to the maximum fun! I've missed out alot when I was young. It's time for me to fly...
Friday, March 26, 2004
Vexed
~Love Mum, Dad and Sis always~I could go insane in just a few more hours. My vexed mind is draining away every possible life in my soul at a constant rate. Every minute, some part of worry pops up in my head and stays there until god knows when. Oh no. I forgot to wear my watch. Now I can't keep track of time. How miserable.
I'm really stuck with these words that Aragorn said to Eowyn in LOTR : "It is but a fool you love. I cannot give you what you seek"...ahhh such perfectly tuned words to politely reject the other party. He's so sexy. I wonder if the rumours about him being gay are true. Or was that ancient news that it doesn't matter to anyone anymore? Anyhow, who cares? He's still so sexy ^^ *drools*
Brenda and I used to participate in a heated discussion about what is not and what is hot about guys. In short, she prefers those pretty-boy kind of guys (which, in my opinion, are the least good looking ones because they look sissy to me) and I drool over sexy, manly, hunky guys ^^ *blows a kiss to Aragorn*
...
I sense a feeling of jealousy hereeee... I smell it everytime I mention the name "Aragorn"...
*Blows a kiss to Chien*
Don't be! ^^
Hehe. I'm being real naughty today. Probably because I'm too stressed out again. As usual, the vulnerable "me". The weirdo of the universe who constantly worries too much, who inflicts humiliation and suffering upon herself all the time. Bla bla bla. I'm actually stuck with my physics homework. I've done it but not entirely. Ahh..it's only worth probably 0.5% out of the entire course mark? That's such a waste that my prof doesn't have office hours today. Wait. He doesn't have office hours. No. He does but it's during my math class. Lame.
Urgh...
I need to go shopping one of these weekends. I'm currently deprived of...erm...well it's not fun. It's not clothes or anythign that I want to buy either. Hmm. Probably just the adventure. >_< Since when shopping was an adventure? Weird. Another one of those weird cravings that I have. Somehow or rather it has to provoke me into doing these things during my crucial time of the semester. Stress. Stress. Stress. There's nothing more I can put after this word as it already depicts the amount of insanity that I'm bounded to muahahahahahah
And now to do some nonsense that I found on LiShun's blog...my stress level needs to be toned down..so bear with me >.< Probably that's why she did that too, eh Shun? *hugz*
PS: By the way, there's a new tagboard down the screen...check it out and post some words if you would like to give me a smile =)
--5 favourite songs at this moment--
1. Come What May (Moulin Rouge Soundtrack)
2. If I ain't Got You (Alicia Keys)
3. This chinese song by some m'sian singer
4. This canto song by aaron kwok
5. I like the way you move (Outkast)
--10 things you're looking forward to--
1. end of school
2. holidays
3. going home
4. sleeping
5. going home
6. Chien
7. eating
8. holidays
9. Chien
10. end of exams...
--6 things you enjoy doing most--
1. Blogging
2. Chien
3. Chien
4. Chien (hehe)
5. doing nonsense
6. lazing around
--favourite memories--
1. MUAHAHAHAH BULLYING SIS
2. disturbing Mum at home
3. graduation day at school
4. SPM RESULTS DAY (hahaha... the day that made you go "huh? I got an A for that?")
5. Crazy, fun times with Ding Dong boy, TJ, Ken, William and CS
6. Shopping with mum u_u
7. getting drunk muahahaha *hic*
8. wearing skirts and shorts (I don't get to wear them here...how miserable)
9. CHIEN ^^
--things you touch everyday--
1. err..."Mao Mao"
2. err...my hair?
3. err...my books??
4. err...my nose???
5. err...my handphone????
6. err...????
--things you do everyday--
1. Ahh...daydream =)
2. Deadly assignments
3. chatting on msn, which technically means going online
4. eat? I can't possibly NOT do that everyday right? (that includes all the brushing teeth and taking showers...bla bla bla)
--things you are good at--
1. Lazing around
2. doing nonsense
3. art
4. writing crappy stuff
5. WORRYING (my best "trait")
6. math
7. rebel (o.O)
--movies you'd watch over and over again--
Lord Of the Rings...
--the person you'll spend your life with--
...
what kinda question is that...
of course is my husband...
who else could it be..."Mao Mao"? muaahahhhahaahhh!
Monday, March 22, 2004
Only you can show me the way...
~Love Mum, Dad and Sis always~My mind was blank. The mixed anger and stupidity overwhelmed my mind viciously throughout the night. My heart was so weak. I could not allow myself to be free, to let things go, and be less sensitive about every little thing that I had observed. What has become of me today, I wonder. Knowing you was a blessing in disguise. I never knew the true meaning of freedom until I met you. It was so real, right before my eyes, but I still can't seem to grasp it in my hands. I'm trying with all my strength, to ease out my once suppressed heart. The heart that saw too many indecencies, heard too many screams of terror, and felt too much pain. But yes, you're right. Without them, I would never be who I am today. I wouldn't be standing here with my two feet. THe choice I made led me to this path, for I would have blindly walked the other road and leave this world. Plunged into the deepest, darkest hours of suppression and anger, I was ridiculed all my life. What do I know? Silly thoughts that I carried filled in most of my life. Undermining my own intelligence, burning out the light of my star, keeping hostage the soul in me that needs to get out.
I should not have been so rash to judge everything from my perspective, or mine eyes at most. Needless to say, it was the feeling of lost that kept me to believe one day you'll dry out my soul. It's so hard to explain...the fear of losing someone you love so dearly at heart, that no matter what happens, even if it only remains as a memory the love is eternal and forever. Your presence cannot be taken so lightly. Always bringing natural bliss wherever you go. The smile that you smile and others upon yours brings beauty to my world. Oh, can this feeling be expressed more than just words? Yes, of course. What is love then suppoze to mean if it cannot be shown by ways other than words.
Too long have I allow the suppresion to go on. Too long have I deceived my heart into believing that empathy is all that I seek for. The greatest gift that I have received is not love itself but... you. Only you can show me the right path and I knew this the first time I met you. Everything...from your guidance, your strength, to your love, which you shower upon me...thank you...for showing me the way.
Saturday, March 13, 2004
The flower is wilting
~Love Mum, Dad and Sis always~Three weeks ago, I received a special flower. It made me smile once again, yet I was shocked. It was a big surprise to see it right in front of my doorstep. It was like a gift from heaven, a sweet chance to receive such a beauty in life. I never thought I would be able to hold it with my bare hands and smell its lovely scent. My wish to keep it came true at last. It was like magic. My days were dark and cold before I receive this angelic thing. It has given me life from the bottom of my soul...a soul once lost in time, lost in space. Bliss is all that I feel now and gratefulness is all that matters. My love for it is undying.
Something in this beauty led me to believe that it could stay with me forever. And this believe soon took over my body in one moment in time where everything freezed. Every single movement paralyzed, every sound sucked away from me, every possible sight blinded. Only the tenderness of its touch and softness of its petals on my skin was felt. I couldn't scream. I couldn't whisper. I couldn't let go. My soul was drowned in its charm. Still, the days were looking better, the nights were warmer and tranquil with its presence. Such a powerful feeling overwhelms my life in a way that I fear I could lose it all in one grip. And then my heart will be shattered like pieces of broken glass, shattered to bits with no way of fixing it back, with no turning back time. Strange. I foresee the shattering and the tears as the flower wilts before my very eyes. I envision a whole phase of life in front of me where I lost the one beauty that is so rare, and that even a bucket of tears is not enough to describe the sadness of the heart. What is it that comes forth? Am I destined to keep this flower with me always? Young and beautiful, sweet and fresh, never wilting away from my sight?
This visions are disturbing. Or am I just worrying too much? Somehow, it is my future that which the eye tells the mind. How not to fear the lost in possession of this beautiful flower? It is the nature of humans to guard against something that they possess or love so deeply. Love. Once again, that is the question. Once again, it is the test of endurance, the test of compassion and the test of loyalty? Will the flower stay alive and not get tired of my love for it? Will this beauty not leave me to find another owner who can take better care of it? Will it get sick of my home, and be bored with the environment that I provide it with? For now, every night we share so much love and I fear that I feel it is slowly fading away...
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
March Blues
~Love Mum, Dad and Sis always~Midterms are finally over. I'm feeling pretty glad that I'm finally done with yesterday's math paper. It was a funny feeling as I wanted to get over it as fast as possible. I was telling my friend, "Yes...8.30pm...one and a half hours..." Naturally, after the exam, most of the students planned their next trip to the bar for a celebration. I don't look forward to those kind of celebrations anymore. Instead I was looking forward to see my sweetheart after the exam to cook and have dinner together at my place.
It's already March. In another 2 months or so, I'll be heading back home for the holidays. I'm upset because I won't be able to attend my sweetheart's convocation. I wish I could be there on that special day. The beginning of March means the start of preparations for finals. It's all too soon. I feel the stress weighing down on me like a steel block trying to crush my brains. Today, I was briefed on the second-year program qualifications. I have to rank from my first choice to the last choice of all the disciplines of engineering that I'm interested in studying. So far, I've made up my mind to pursue a degree in chemical engineering. I just feel that job-wise, it is more suitable for a person like me. However, I would like to discover more of mechanical engineering too but I guess my interest doesn't really lie there even though I have this slight inclination to explore this area. Also, I planned to get a degree in business management after graduating from engineering. This probably is because I can't picture myself working as an engineer, managing the technical side in a factory or a plant...bla bla bla...I'm pretty interested in management stuff and I believe it will be a bonus because of the knowledge that I have as an engineering graduate. Hmm...oh well.
I'm sitting in the FYEC office now waiting for the meeting to commence. I'm pretty tired of attending these meetings (I never liked meetings). Also, I do not contribute that much even though I'm the VP Social. I've pretty much done my part last month in organizing that big event. There are still events to come but somehow I have no clue how it should go and the other members know better because they are Canadians. My friends told me that if I can get involved in the ESS (Engineering Students' Society), it would be great benefit to my personal involvement in school. I'm not saying that i'm giving up the chance to try or I plaintively think that it is a waste of time, but it's a fact that they are not really keen on seeing an international student run for positions. So, what's the point, eh? NO doubt it's a good way to improve my intrapersonal skills but it's also wise to not simply make a fool out of yourself as they clearly do not even respect you.
In short, I'm pretty much satisfied with my studies here. Being in the faculty of engineering of one of the top universities in Canada has given me more reason to continue studying the best I can. Studying abroad is never easy, but with the willpower and the strength, everyone can survive and gain the best fun, knowledge and excitement in their own ways.
about me
Home: KL, Malaysia
School: U of A
I am someone who frets a lot - I call it a psychological disorder. I am constantly trying to escape my complex mind which, very often, drives me and my close companions to the edge of insanity. Born under the sun star Libra, I am greatly affected by a disease called "indecisiveness". Nicknames were never part of my dictionary until I met some people who decided to name me "turtle". Soon, I was representing a zoo of hamsters, "sotongs", pigs, cats, etc...
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