Saturday, March 13, 2004
The flower is wilting
~Love Mum, Dad and Sis always~Three weeks ago, I received a special flower. It made me smile once again, yet I was shocked. It was a big surprise to see it right in front of my doorstep. It was like a gift from heaven, a sweet chance to receive such a beauty in life. I never thought I would be able to hold it with my bare hands and smell its lovely scent. My wish to keep it came true at last. It was like magic. My days were dark and cold before I receive this angelic thing. It has given me life from the bottom of my soul...a soul once lost in time, lost in space. Bliss is all that I feel now and gratefulness is all that matters. My love for it is undying.
Something in this beauty led me to believe that it could stay with me forever. And this believe soon took over my body in one moment in time where everything freezed. Every single movement paralyzed, every sound sucked away from me, every possible sight blinded. Only the tenderness of its touch and softness of its petals on my skin was felt. I couldn't scream. I couldn't whisper. I couldn't let go. My soul was drowned in its charm. Still, the days were looking better, the nights were warmer and tranquil with its presence. Such a powerful feeling overwhelms my life in a way that I fear I could lose it all in one grip. And then my heart will be shattered like pieces of broken glass, shattered to bits with no way of fixing it back, with no turning back time. Strange. I foresee the shattering and the tears as the flower wilts before my very eyes. I envision a whole phase of life in front of me where I lost the one beauty that is so rare, and that even a bucket of tears is not enough to describe the sadness of the heart. What is it that comes forth? Am I destined to keep this flower with me always? Young and beautiful, sweet and fresh, never wilting away from my sight?
This visions are disturbing. Or am I just worrying too much? Somehow, it is my future that which the eye tells the mind. How not to fear the lost in possession of this beautiful flower? It is the nature of humans to guard against something that they possess or love so deeply. Love. Once again, that is the question. Once again, it is the test of endurance, the test of compassion and the test of loyalty? Will the flower stay alive and not get tired of my love for it? Will this beauty not leave me to find another owner who can take better care of it? Will it get sick of my home, and be bored with the environment that I provide it with? For now, every night we share so much love and I fear that I feel it is slowly fading away...
about me
Home: KL, Malaysia
School: U of A
I am someone who frets a lot - I call it a psychological disorder. I am constantly trying to escape my complex mind which, very often, drives me and my close companions to the edge of insanity. Born under the sun star Libra, I am greatly affected by a disease called "indecisiveness". Nicknames were never part of my dictionary until I met some people who decided to name me "turtle". Soon, I was representing a zoo of hamsters, "sotongs", pigs, cats, etc...
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