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Wednesday, February 04, 2004

A broken heart

~Love Mum, Dad and Sis always~

Love changes. Especially when two people in love can't get along with each other. Realizing most of the arguments stemed from the differences in our views, beliefs and ways forced me to make a big decision that will change my life for now. Realizing that if it drags on more hurt will be inflicted upon ourselves. Realizing how soft my heart can be makes me feel lowly of myself...

for the mistakes that I've done...
for the disappointment that I've caused...
for the stubborness of my young heart...
for the unfocused mind of my body...

I'm beginning to feel that I'm being too serious in some things. My desire for happiness overruled my mind and lead me to believe the ideality of situations. Now, I see clearly what I really want. And that the end of this is not eternal. It is, in actual fact, a new start for me. Each time I plunge myself into the pit of darkness, regret and guilt, I realized that I always manage to climb out of it in the end. To see daylight again, to start anew, to learn again no matter how many times I repeat the same mistakes...my heart is young and stubborn...and I believe it needs to go through it and bleed for the better.

Meeting different people and having fun in university is my goal now. I can't wait for my graduation day...or the holidays that allow me to return to sweet home. It is my only place where I seek comfort and love, the only place that will remain my home for eternity. With my family, I'm hoping everything returns to normal again but of course, the imprints of these mistakes will remain true and as a lesson again. I wonder how many more lessons will I be taking to find truth and reality. I guess it is up to nature and time to let it take its own course. I want to lead my life the way I want it. It's been too long leading my life to suit other's whims and fancies. I want to feel free...even if I'm committed to someone again. I want that natural feeling that I'm not bounded to anyone and that I'm comfortable to anyone or anything that walks in and out of my life. My flaw is that I try to comprehend things that are way out of my league. I try too hard to be patient but I suffer inside. I'm too soft at heart as well...always trying not to hurt anyone...

It is my fault, isn't it? All these trials and tribulations may be the way of life, or a chosen path from above, for me to walk through it as a challenge but...every footstep that leaves a mark on the ground at each moment in time was also created by me. Yet, if I didn't choose to walk on that path, I would never be who I am today - stronger and matured, experienced and tough.

It's such a grey area. People tell me no one is to blame in this matter, but sometimes I can't help but inflict everything back on myself because technically I was the one who started everything. Nevertheless, without a start, there would be no beginning and no end...and that would be as bad as not having a life at all. It's like a circle, revolving again and again..passing through the same stage...only the radius of the circle gets wider and the path is longer and more difficult to overcome. Courage, give me the strength to walk this path even if I have to make the same mistake again. Love, guide me with all that I need to see clearly what my heart and mind desires. Truth, you hurt me the most but you have served a wonderful lesson in my life. And my dear heart...do bear with me until I find the true meaning in life...

"I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be some that can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned hat you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do.

I've learned that you can do some thing in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that money is a lousy way to keep score.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to pick you back up.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I've learned that no matter good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help."

Yun @ 7:59 AM | |

about me

Home: KL, Malaysia
School: U of A

I am someone who frets a lot - I call it a psychological disorder. I am constantly trying to escape my complex mind which, very often, drives me and my close companions to the edge of insanity. Born under the sun star Libra, I am greatly affected by a disease called "indecisiveness". Nicknames were never part of my dictionary until I met some people who decided to name me "turtle". Soon, I was representing a zoo of hamsters, "sotongs", pigs, cats, etc...

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