Monday, January 19, 2004 Just want to be happy ~Love Mum, Dad and Sis always~I'm so under the weather. I have been coughing endlessly, especially when I'm trying to sleep. It just got worse when I lay down to sleep. Sigh. I spent hours day-dreaming. I lay down on the bed, looked out at the clear blue morning sky and watched the occasional small puffs of clouds that strolled by my window. It was, indeed a beautiful, sunny day. I wanted so much to go out and walk under the blue sky but my condition forced me to swallow back that temptation. My thoughts started to form but in a pretty disorganized way at first. Like a spiral in the wind, they came. But in time they slowed down, falling llightly and gently like feathers. One by one, I put the pieces together, like a jigsaw puzzle and solved it. The words just appeared, "I just want to be happy". I just want to be happy. I don't want to put myself down anymore. I want to appreciate all I have now and to realize that losing them will mean losing my happiness. I want to wake up every morning and tell myself that I am not useless or hopelessly deranged emotionally. I have to stop thinking so much. It drives me nuts. The amount of imagination or thoughts I load into the mind is simply huge. I shall say, it's overloaded. And so, there I was smiling on the bed. I snuggled back into under the sheets and slept for another hour or so (I was feeling lazy to get up =p). Peace~
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