Sunday, May 08, 2005
Stepping out of the dark
I am not dead.My eyes were pouring sad tears on the night of the break-up, but I was determined for a brand new start the next morning. I knew I wanted to breathe again. And I knew I could.
It is time I learn to accept the real me. I was naive. I thought love was all I needed to have a happy, long-lasting relationship. I was wrong. I thought it was all that could keep two people in love together always. Little did I know that I was disillusioned by the concept of love all this while. In a way, this break-up has made me realized that love is just another unpredictable emotion; it does not stand strong by itself. It changes with time. It changes with wealth. And maybe the weather too, who knows?
I am disappointed with myself for not seeing the bare truth earlier. Even for a realistic person like me, I failed to realize that I was constantly searching and falling for ideal love. In some ways, I still see myself as a foolish girl, who gave her all to one man whom she thought could be the one.
No use crying over spilt milk. I should believe there are many others out there waiting to love and care for me. Things like this change so quickly with time. This is why I have made up my mind to look at love at a different perspective. I should not take things too seriously. I should not live in those ideal dreams anymore. I'm single and I'm loving it so far. There is more excitement out there, just waiting to grab me by the arm to take me on a joy ride I will never forget.
Memories. They will live with me till my last breath in this world. We shared happy times, intimate moments, and depressing truths. I have no major regrets falling blindly in love with him. After all, we did fall in love :) Therefore, it will serve its purpose as a memory.
With each failure in love, I can see now what is Mr. Right for me. Ego exists naturally in a man, but if you really love a woman, you tell her that she is the one. She needs somebody to tell her that it is going to last forever. If a man is too ashamed to date a girl richer than him, he is no man. Then again, in reality, money is everything. It is difficult to find a person who is not concerned about their partner's social and wealth status. I used to be one who did not care. However, that was the old me. It is different now. Reality bites, doesn't it?
Time to move on. I have never felt so young at heart and attractive in my life before. Scars remain but it is time to spread my wings and fly.
about me
Home: KL, Malaysia
School: U of A
I am someone who frets a lot - I call it a psychological disorder. I am constantly trying to escape my complex mind which, very often, drives me and my close companions to the edge of insanity. Born under the sun star Libra, I am greatly affected by a disease called "indecisiveness". Nicknames were never part of my dictionary until I met some people who decided to name me "turtle". Soon, I was representing a zoo of hamsters, "sotongs", pigs, cats, etc...
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