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Friday, February 04, 2005

Digression

It is that time of the year again where I start to think of everything back home.

Not too long ago, I was a little girl waiting with anticipation for the big CNY reunion dinner. The trips back to my hometown were quite tiring, but I get to see my uncles, aunts, and my cousins. This would be a week-long celebration with lots of "ang pows" to collect and candies to eat. Staying up late to play (or gamble) was the norm for the kids and the teenagers. Adults will chat over cups of warm, Chinese tea and snacks. The men will most likely have alcohol and the ladies chat and entertained themselves with karaoke sessions.

I feel lost in my own thoughts. It is somewhat difficult to type them out because of my unsteady, young mind. However, I do know that I have been thinking a lot about home, my family and the things I used to do when I was little. I can only reminisce those times as it will be another year without a CNY celebration with my family again. Unfortunately too, I have a midterm on the first day of CNY. The rest of the midterms follow up the week after that. Even so, my friends and I decided to get together during that weekend to have one night of fun. After all, it would be pretty depressing to welcome the new year by staring blankly at the wall in our own rooms (or burying our heads in our books). This would be a short study-break for all of us too.

I miss seeing the colours of CNY cards. I used to collect all the nice red packets that I received and keep them in my pouch. I like to look at the pretty ones. And I will make sure they don't get crumpled or folded. This is a feeling I remember so well yet it feels so far away. Perhaps, I have grown out of that little girl's realm. But, I believe I am still young at heart. Once, there was a time where I wished I was all grown up so that I will be less restricted and controlled. It was not wrong to feel that way. After all, I can see the young generation today growing up faster than they should. During my time, there was less influence. Still, as children, we all had that tinge of mischief in our playful nature. I don't regret growing up. Growing up has taught me lots of lessons in life. Sometimes, being young again is all you need to make yourself happy.

To compensate this longing feeling for home, I bought some red packets (they were expensive *ahem*) to decorate my room. I took 5 red packets and joined them side by side to make it look like a fan shape. Then, I pasted it on my door. Also, I made three small chinese lanterns, put a string through each of them and hung them on my doorknob. It does make me happier just by looking at it whenever I come home from school.

I am in a contemplative mood. There has been lots of distractions going on lately. I tend to shift my attention to something else when love is bothering me. No wonder they say a long-distance relationship is difficult to sustain. I am pretty sure we are doing okay for now. In another few weeks, it will be a year since we started this love. I miss him dearly. Things are different without him around. And things are so different now that he started working. Maybe I am just demanding too much or expecting too much from a simple-minded guy. Still, he is pretty...unromantic. Seriously. Perhaps it is just the distance. I hope it is ONLY because of that.

Time will only tell whether he will be mine at last.

Yun @ 3:15 PM | |

about me

Home: KL, Malaysia
School: U of A

I am someone who frets a lot - I call it a psychological disorder. I am constantly trying to escape my complex mind which, very often, drives me and my close companions to the edge of insanity. Born under the sun star Libra, I am greatly affected by a disease called "indecisiveness". Nicknames were never part of my dictionary until I met some people who decided to name me "turtle". Soon, I was representing a zoo of hamsters, "sotongs", pigs, cats, etc...

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