Splash!

Monday, November 29, 2004

Back to basics

Back to square one.

I wish I could stop worrying. My parents have told me a million times to shake it off. My boyfriend insists that I should not worry of something uncertain. Where does it all fall back to? How did this worrisome feeling come to existance?

I feel utterly annoyed and depressed. How am I not suppoze to worry about my long-distance relationship? Well, so far it has been going pretty well, but my honey is going out to the working world soon...I am not speculating anything, but I feel that asking me not to worry is unfair for my part. Sometimes, I do feel like going to sleep forever. That way, I will be constantly dreaming, and never have to wake up to face the perils of reality. Unfortunately, I am already in reality and I cannot seem to find a way out (unless I die, of course).

From now on, I am not going to say much to my parents about my condition here. Don't get me wrong. I love them very much. But, everytime I call home and tell them how I am doing here, more often I will talk about my school, and how the dumb professors are, how some cocky locals go about, and how I am constrained by time, my heart becomes uneasy after putting down the phone. Why? Because, very often they do not understand my situation at all. Who else can I talk to when I am feeling down, upset or stressed? If I don't call back home, or find seek comfort form friends, I'll probably be dead already. Still, I am being "pressured" not to complain, not to be upset in front of my parents. Fine. Now, I feel guilty for making them upset too just because I am having a hard time here. I might as well not say anything, let them figure that I am doing perfectly fine here, and solve my problems by my own. After all, I am only going to hurt them if I tell them stuff.

Anyway, nothing is going right for me.

I bought a new printer today. I had to. My english presentation starts tomorrow and I needed to get transparencies printed. The campus printers did not allow me to do so because the paper feed was inside the machine. I had no way of printing my own transparancies there. After all, it would be convenient to have one. In my third year, I will be writing tons of lab reports. Thirty pages lab reports. I am pathetic.

Pathetic. Loser. Emotional. Weak. Annoying.

I deserve nothing.

Yun @ 10:50 AM | |

about me

Home: KL, Malaysia
School: U of A

I am someone who frets a lot - I call it a psychological disorder. I am constantly trying to escape my complex mind which, very often, drives me and my close companions to the edge of insanity. Born under the sun star Libra, I am greatly affected by a disease called "indecisiveness". Nicknames were never part of my dictionary until I met some people who decided to name me "turtle". Soon, I was representing a zoo of hamsters, "sotongs", pigs, cats, etc...

chat

1-20G

lost

if mistaken

Fee hike - Discriminating!

I love Sunday mornings

The beginning