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Thursday, July 14, 2005

Money Matters

I am having trouble sleeping at night. I don't know what is the cause. Perhaps my room is too warm. Perhaps my mind cannot come to a rest. It constantly forces me to think. Is it insomnia? I hope I do not have this disease ... it is so tiring and I feel miserable.

I do wonder how my working life will be in the future. Truthfully, I never knew why I chose to study engineering. Yes, I am quite a big fan of math and physics. Biology is fine but it does not interest me that much. Fortunately, I did not pursue a degree in life sciences. Then again, I feel that this degree is just a tool for success. To gain more status, to gain more money. Yes, money matters a lot to me in a way that I still need it to fulfill my daily needs. But something is still missing.

All this while, I have always wanted to teach, especially children. I have this yearning to see their enthusiasm, the way they get amused by knowledge, and just participating with them in any kind of activity... I guess this is the only clear thought I had since high school. Hopefully, I will get a chance to teach in the future. One day, I will try to make it happen just for my own sake.

Last night, a friend of mine said he felt lonely. I ... sigh

Suddenly, I realized that all this while I have been pretty lonely as well. Even though I have just turned single a few months ago, I realized that I have burdened myself with loneliness for the past two years because of long-distance relationships. Therefore, I feel that being in a long-distance relationship can't get any worse than being single. Oh well, I was a fool to rush into love like that. My feelings were cheated twice. Stupid me.

Currently, I am just feeling lost. I don't know what to do each day I wake up in the morning, or when I try to go to bed at night. Perhaps I should head back to Canada as soon as possible. Not that I am rushing to go back, but I still have a month and a half before I leave on the jetplane. I do not know if I am escaping from something, but I do know that at least I have a job to do there - STUDY. Living on my own and giving myself some quality time will do me good. Even though I feel lonely, and wish there was someone just more than a friend ... I am afraid to commit again.

When they say open your eyes and see if he's the right one before committing, all I can say is - your eyes can never decipher the truth. You will never find anything until you open up your heart. And that's where the risk is.

Yun @ 3:40 PM | |

about me

Home: KL, Malaysia
School: U of A

I am someone who frets a lot - I call it a psychological disorder. I am constantly trying to escape my complex mind which, very often, drives me and my close companions to the edge of insanity. Born under the sun star Libra, I am greatly affected by a disease called "indecisiveness". Nicknames were never part of my dictionary until I met some people who decided to name me "turtle". Soon, I was representing a zoo of hamsters, "sotongs", pigs, cats, etc...

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Always in love