Splash!

Monday, October 11, 2004

Goodbye, SEASA

The first time I came into this club, I was happy to meet other people from south east asia. I had a fun time last year hanging out with the bunch of crazy people. Well, there were a few people who became such a thorn but naturally, there were no grudges or obligations or tension relationships between us. It was comfortable and everyone just wanted to have some fun. I really miss those times.

Now, the fun has vanished. As the months passed by, I began to doubt their sincerity. And most of the seniors, who were very fun and carefree people, graduated and left for home (one of them was my sweetheart, of course :P). But then again, that is not the major issue that I am facing. Friends come and go, and sincerity does help in keeping friendship intact.

I just sent out an email to the executive members of the club. I have decided to resign from my post. Yes, as abrupt it may seem, but I have had enough of being in the dark. I am constantly mingling with shadows - shadows that are mysterious, are dangerous, and well, shadows are basically not very nice things. I cannot relate to them anymore. I just feel ... tired. It is tiring being with them.

I do not want to force myself to stay on because of the executive post. I do not feel happy anymore. I do not feel comfortable. I hate their meetings. It is either crappy talk or unorganized agendas. It is dirty talk most of the time too. Not that I staunchly disagree with dirty jokes and all but, a meeting is a meeting and if there is nothing important to discuss, do not hold the meeting. Not everyone has all the time in the world to allocate two hours in their academic timetable for an unproductive meeting.

I am not, in any way, boasting about my timetable and my workload as an engineering student. In fact, there is nothing to boast about. It is the very truth that we engineers are busy people and we have heavy assignments from every lecture to hand in every week. Not to mention our research work and lab reports too. There is a sterotype going round university about engineers. But, people who mock us are just stupid. I will ask them to spend two weeks in engineering and see if it is what they want. I bet you, they will learn how to keep their bloody mouths shut everytime they feel like mocking engineers.

And my, what are friends for if they cannot understand your situation? They keep pushing you around because you cannot make it to three of the meetings already. "Esther, you haven't been attending the meetings," says miss president. Oh yea, that is right. It was clever of them to spot my absence which always came with a relative reason (it is relative to a lie, basically) but they are not that smart to spot the problem.

Well, I do not want to turn up for their meetings and events because they are not nice people. Simple as that. I do not turn up because I want to have time for myself after a long week at school. I do not turn up because they expect me to have fun and relaxing time with them after a long week at school but I do not enjoy being with them and thus, I prefer to have time to myself or with other friends. I do not turn up because I am given obligations to revolve my world only around them!! I do not turn up because I am simply disgusted with the whole bunch of executives and their policy that everyone has to come to SEASA!!!

The problem with the rest of them is their mentality. You cannot force people into the club if they do not want to come. You cannot simply control other people's time and if one of the members do not feel like turning up, just accept it! Accept the fact that there will be people who choose not to come due to personal issues. Accept the fact that some people do not like what your club is doing. It is a big turn off to members when you question them cynically about not attending any event. It is so rude of you to push or show an unhappy face when people want to leave.

Everyone is afraid to hurt anybody. This will lead to the downfall of the association. And it already happened a few times before. I want to keep a distance from these people. I have a feeling my foe named "trouble" will constantly creep up behind me if I continue to stay on. It is pretty disappointing to see myself walk away from a once happy family, but I have no choice. I really have to go. There is too much tension between us.

All is done. I will retreat back to my own room, to my own space where I would have little worries - back to a place where friends are less troublesome.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:

Yun @ 5:32 AM | |

about me

Home: KL, Malaysia
School: U of A

I am someone who frets a lot - I call it a psychological disorder. I am constantly trying to escape my complex mind which, very often, drives me and my close companions to the edge of insanity. Born under the sun star Libra, I am greatly affected by a disease called "indecisiveness". Nicknames were never part of my dictionary until I met some people who decided to name me "turtle". Soon, I was representing a zoo of hamsters, "sotongs", pigs, cats, etc...

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