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Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Two good jokes

~Love Mum, Dad and Sis always~

Here's a really good joke I got from the internet...

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus?"

Here's a prime example from an English professor from University of Phoenix as a class exercise.

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story"

"The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As for tonight's homework, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story, email it to your partner and send a copy to me. Your partner will read the first, add another paragraph and send it back, also sending a copy to me. Then, you proceed to add the third, so on back and forth.

Remember to re-read everything to keep the story coherent. There will be absolutely NO talking outside the emails. If you have anything to say, say it in the email. The story is over when both agree that a conclusion has reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:

Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted).

THE STORY (first by Rebecca):
At first Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile which used to be her favourite for lazy evenings at home now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought too much about him, her asthma started aching up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(Gary):
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed bimbo named Laurie whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S.Harris to Geostation 17". He said into his trans galactic communicator, "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca):
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for physically brutalizing the one woman who ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in the newspapers one morning. The news simultaneously excited and bored her. She stared out the window dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no papers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary):
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched its first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimply peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within 2 hours after the passage of the treaty the ships were on a course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. The President in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table, "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!!"

(Rebecca):
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary):
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are literary equivalent to Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA????" Oh no, I'm just an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steel novels.

(Rebecca):
Asshole.

(Gary):
Bitch.

(Rebecca):
Get fucked.

(Gary):
Eat shit.

(Rebecca):
FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!!!

(Gary):
GO DRINK SOME TEA WHORE!

(Teacher): A+ - I really liked this one. Only group to get an A.

Yun @ 6:25 AM | |

about me

Home: KL, Malaysia
School: U of A

I am someone who frets a lot - I call it a psychological disorder. I am constantly trying to escape my complex mind which, very often, drives me and my close companions to the edge of insanity. Born under the sun star Libra, I am greatly affected by a disease called "indecisiveness". Nicknames were never part of my dictionary until I met some people who decided to name me "turtle". Soon, I was representing a zoo of hamsters, "sotongs", pigs, cats, etc...

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