Splash!

Friday, May 07, 2004

The journey home

~Love Mum, Dad and Sis always~

4th May 2004 – Edmonton Airport

I told myself not to surrender to my tears. I hugged and kissed my sweetie goodbye, walked into the departure hall and went through the security customs. Fortunately, everything was clear and I was set free. I walked in further, kept looking to my right to see my sweetie, and as I walked further on, passed the walls that separated the both of us, the tears rolled down my cheeks. I lost the battle. It was at this instant that I realized I should not cry like a baby in public and so I bucked up the courage to continue the walk to the gate.

My mind was blank. I sat down feeling lost and helpless. It broke my heart to feel his touch so distant. Nothing will be the same again. Those 10 days were so wonderful, so comfortable, and so heavenly. I yearned so much to see him once more but it was impossible. My flight to Vancouver was delayed for about 10 minutes. No big deal. Only 24 passengers were on the plane and that lighten me up a little as there was more space for comfy rest. I slept throughout the journey. If I did not rest, I would have damaged my mind by overloading it with sad thoughts.

4th May 2004 – Vancouver International Airport

I arrived at Vancouver International Airport at 8.15 pm. My stomach was grumbling and I found some Japanese food to eat. Chicken udon soup and a bottle of water for the journey. Sadly, due to my carelessness while rushing to call my sweetie, I forgot about my water bottle. It was gone when I went back to find it. That stupid plastic thing filled with H2O was a mean $2.29. I was on the phone with mum for about half an hour. It was quite a tiring conversation but I shall not make a big commotion out of it. After all, I am coming home. Everyone is excited. A part of me is excited and the other part of me is crushed. I called my sweetheart and we talked for about an hour. I felt so reluctant to put down the phone. Now, we can only share everything through phone calls. Damn. How am I suppoze to live like this?

Four more hours and I am out of here. I am feeling a little dizzy and tired now. Airplane rides were never memorable. They screw up everything from eating times to sleeping times. It can get extremely frustrating. How long is this journey again? Ten hours? Wow. Wish me luck. Well, I guess it should be alright as I am flying with Cathay Pacific this time - better service, comfortable seats, and delicious meals. You are still on my mind. It is so hard for the both of us. Good things never last in life, they say. This is one of those good things that a person in love can have for a while. I wonder what is going to happen. I love this guy. I do not want to let go. Yet there are so many thoughts razing my mind. I need him so badly. I just need him. So many moments shared…why does love have to hurt this way?

At gate 54D, I sat down quietly anticipating the call for boarding. I looked around me and saw tired bodies laying down on the seats. I am tired but I do not want to sleep yet. I have to look after my belongings. I can have all the sleep I want on the plane. Probably the only soul that is still awake is a four-year-old little girl and her grandfather who is walking her around. She has a pretty face – rosy and sweet. Speaking of pretty faces, I am expecting a whole session of tiring comments about my face that I have heard for the past 5 years of my eruptive teenage life. Trust me, it is the weather change that brings the zits back from the dead. The flu is getting to me, a little cough here and there and it is my fault for not taking good care of it, so to speak. Maybe I was crying too much. As soon as I got reached the gate, I rushed to a phone booth and made a phone call back to Edmonton again. Crying helplessly, I poured over the phone. It was silly, I know I should be strong. “Everything will be okay,” he says. I just needed to here that one more time to reassure myself that I can do this.

I have been watching very disturbing movies lately. One of them was Cabin Fever. Three was not disturbing but a little out of the movie block. How pathetic can a ghost movie be without a proper plot? The best horror movie seen was The Eye because it had a good storyline. Producers just do not get the idea that a seeing a horror movie is so different than seeing a real ghost scenario. A movie needs a plot. The real life scene does not. It is already a plot within itself. It is reality. Making those scary appearances is not enough. It is the story that keeps the suspense going. Well, I have to admit that some of those scenes in the movie made me jump but still, it was not interesting to call it a good movie. In short, it was DEAD BORING. I found the second story not too bad though. Is it true that you can bring someone back from the dead like that? Can resurrection happen after three years of abundant Chinese medicinal herbs? Whoa. Talk about the power of love.

Never play God. Godsend was a movie that featured the consequences of playing God, which, in today’s aspect of the phrase, means cloning and genetic revolutionary. Forced by love to bring their son “back from the dead”, a persuasion by a genius scientist got a couple to agree on the experiment. Little did they know that inside the new son’s gene lies a terrible, horrible secret, unleashing night terrors and a total change in their once happy life. One word for this movie – DISTURBING.

6th May 2004 – Hong Kong International Airport

First thing I did after I passed the security customs – made a phone call. I found one of those touch-screen phone/internet machines near the shops. I could not wait any longer. I made the phone call using my credit card instead of looking around for a foreign exchange booth to get some Hong Kong dollars first. Eleven hours without the presence of my sweetie’s voice – I almost went insane on the plane. I am feeling much better now. Probably the tiring journey made me feel homesick. I am much closer to home now at least. Just four more hours and I will be home. It was so warm on the plane. As far as I remembered, my previous trips on an airplane were horribly uncomfortable because of the icy cold surroundings. I should have packed a T-shirt with me. I am not comfortable wearing a spaghetti strap top today. I am just not in the mood. Sigh

Currently, I am entering a state at which the mind just shuts down. My mood has been extremely disturbed by the fact that I am so far away from my sweetie now. I am angry. I really am. I do not know why, though. Why? =(

The weather in Hong Kong is a cool 23 degrees Celsius. A woman sitting a few seats away from me has a mask covering her mouth. I am suppose to fear the contagious airborne disease, SARS, yet I just am not bothered. My emotions are like a whirlwind terrorizing me right now. I miss him so much. I miss my family too. I want to go home. But I also feel like taking the next flight back to Canada. It is such a torture. I am expecting comments, which I know, will break my nerves. I have already heard it yesterday over the phone from Mum. What can I do? Pretend to listen as I shut my ears.

My computer is running out of battery. I guess the journey ends here. I cannot say now if I really look forward to going home. After all, coming home this time was accompanied by a great loss. Farewell.

Yun @ 6:01 AM | |

about me

Home: KL, Malaysia
School: U of A

I am someone who frets a lot - I call it a psychological disorder. I am constantly trying to escape my complex mind which, very often, drives me and my close companions to the edge of insanity. Born under the sun star Libra, I am greatly affected by a disease called "indecisiveness". Nicknames were never part of my dictionary until I met some people who decided to name me "turtle". Soon, I was representing a zoo of hamsters, "sotongs", pigs, cats, etc...

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