Splash!

Thursday, May 13, 2004

When he loved me...

~Love Mum, Dad and Sis always~

She told me how difficult it was to live with the absence of her loved one. I acknowledged it by telling her that I am going through the same situation. Tears began to roll down her cheeks. She cries with such sorrow. I could feel her heart crush every time she tries to say his name. I asked her to reminisce the happy moments she spent with him, those wonderful times where only two people in love cherish. She gave a weak smile as she wipe the tears that overflow from her eyes. Accepting her need for a listening ear, I held her hand and smiled back at her. With a little sniff, she told me how they first met. They never really knew each other until they discovered they were in the same class. There was a time where she felt sick and he, as a caring friend, gave her some medicine for the time being. She said she felt so touched. She could feel a little shyness and tenseness in her heart as she stepped into his house to collect the medicine yet she hid it somewhere and denied its existence. For some reason, she felt so happy. Yet, she never bothered to discover what was in store for her deep down in that feeling. Days went on to months, she never really saw him again after school ended. Now she realized how much she wanted to see him again. But he had left school. There was little chance to meet up again. She giggled as she said how she was always thinking of a way to meet up with him. To call would be a little obvious, so the only way was through internet chat. Each time online, she had the strong urge to just message him. Sometimes he does not reply, but soon enough, they started chatting quite a bit online. The best part was when he suggested to turn on the webcam. She had stopped crying. She sat there with a familiar smile on her face, telling me how excited she was but only realized the glee that struck her heart after their conversation ended. She looked at me and said, "That's when I realized I have feelings for this guy." Then, she lowered her head, looking down at the pillow in her hands. She was quiet for a while. Then, she let out a small sigh. She said that there were so many moments with him that she cannot forget - times where there were subtle hints and so-called dates that were actually late night suppers, the morning where he confessed, held her hand, kissed her and spent the night together. Her tears came rolling down again. She cried as she told me how she wanted to be in his arms again, to hold his hands, to hug him and to be lost in love again...Such a pity that one has to suffer such pain. I could say no more. She said if she had one wish, and that wish could be anything, she would turn back time and live those moments again. Back then, it was a mutual relationship. Now, all she can do is think of him all day and night, always wondering what he is doing, if there is another flower blooming at his place, if his love for her is dying. As I look into her eyes, I knew that this was no puppy thing. I saw the sadness and the deep love in her heart, so deep that it cuts her day by day and yet, she stays strong and alive...because she loves him. Yes, there are people who commit suicide for the lost of their love. She said she would not resort to suicide, but knowing herself better than anyone could, she said her life will change dramatically. It will be drained off. Everything will not matter to her anymore. She would probably stay alive for the sake of her family who loves her dearly but her heart dies instantly because she has given everything to him. And when the heart dies, all else in her soul dies for true love has left. True, we will never know where he is, what he is doing, if there is another girl in his bed, in his house, holding his hand, doing things that we used to do together - there is nothing that we can do. I told her that sometimes I wish I did not fall in love with him. Because I knew it would be forever, I could not help but drift off with the current. And now, we are separated by a separation that could destroy us both forever. I gave her a hug and told her that I have to go. My mind went blank. My tears spilled out.

Yun @ 5:58 AM | |

about me

Home: KL, Malaysia
School: U of A

I am someone who frets a lot - I call it a psychological disorder. I am constantly trying to escape my complex mind which, very often, drives me and my close companions to the edge of insanity. Born under the sun star Libra, I am greatly affected by a disease called "indecisiveness". Nicknames were never part of my dictionary until I met some people who decided to name me "turtle". Soon, I was representing a zoo of hamsters, "sotongs", pigs, cats, etc...

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